How to Save a Life
by BelieveYouAre
Summary: Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up, with you all night. Had I known, how to save a life.


If I had just _known, _I could have stopped him.

If I hadn't been so _blind, _I would have seen what was really going on.

If I was a _friend, _he'd still be here.

…

_"Hey," _

_ I turned around to face Kyle. There was a warm, welcoming smile on his face. He was happy to see me. I was happy to see him. _

_ "Yeah, hey," I said dully. I turned back to the team. They each had equal looks of disgusted exasperation. _

_ "What do you want, twerp?" Clyde spat._

_ "I-I wanted to talk to Stan," he stammered._

_ "Well guess what? Stan doesn't want to talk to a loser like you. Right, Stan?" Token clapped me on the back, not really expecting an answer. _

_ "Go read a book or something," Craig told him with a chuckle._

_ "At least I know how to read," Kyle retorted._

_ Their laughter ceased. "What did you say to me?"_

_ Kyle was silent. _

_ Craig pushed him into a locker. I winced as Kyle did. He looked at me with his big green eyes, full of hurt, and just begging for me to say something._

_ I was silent._

_ …_

**Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend,  
somewhere along in the bitterness.**

…

He needed me, and I didn't help him.

…

_My phone vibrated. I fished it out of my pocket and froze as I caught sight of the name flashing across the screen._

_ "Dude, who is it?" Token asked, stuffing his mouth with chips._

_ I hit ignore. "No one,"_

_ The name quickly faded, the screen changing._

_**1 missed call: Kyle**_

__…

I stopped answering his phone calls. When no one else would listen to him, I was the number he dialed, but I failed to listen to him, too.

…

_As the light in my window faded to darkness, I peered across the street to see that his was still burning brightly._

_ He was still awake._

...

**And I would have stayed up,  
with you all night,  
had I known,  
how to save a life.**

…

_Every night after that, his light was on when I went to sleep. And whenever I woke up the next morning, it was still on, and he was sitting up in bed, his back to the window, blankets bunched around his lethargic form. Sometimes, I wondered if he even slept at all, anymore._

…

**Drive 'til you lose the road,  
or break with the ones who've followed.**

…

_Kenny visited him once or twice. He came, and then didn't come for a while. When he came again, he left with a heartbroken appearance. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes red, not from crying, but from the stress of not crying. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his entire posture sluggish and defeated. _

_ And then he just looked at my house, shook his head, and kept walking._

...

**Let him know,  
that you know best.  
'Cause after all,  
you do know best.**

…

_I found him in the library. His head was in his arms, his face cut out of my vision. _

_ "Hey, dude, are you okay?" I asked. _

_ He slowly raised his head. I was shocked to see what had happened to him. His face was pale, with dark smudges under his eyes. The skin on his face seemed to cling to the bones, taut and sharp. There was a dull glaze that covered his once happy emerald eyes. _

_ This wasn't Kyle. It couldn't be. _

…

**Step one,  
you say we need to talk.  
He walks,  
you say sit down,  
it's just a talk.  
He smiles politely back at you,  
you stare politely right on through. **

…

"_What happened to you, Kyle?" I asked in shock._

_I could see him trying to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. It was fake, I could see that. There was no way he could lie to me, not after fifteen years of friendship._

…

**He will do one of two things:  
He will admit to everything,  
or he'll say he's just not the same.**

…

"_I'm fine, Stan. There's nothing to worry about," he tried to assure me, but there was no way I was falling for it. _

"_You may have everyone else fooled, Kyle, but you don't have me. I know that something's up, and it's hurting you. Why won't you just tell me?" I questioned._

_ "It's nothing, Stan. Why don't you go hang out with the team? You wouldn't want to be seen with the nerdy Jew, right?" Kyle stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and slinking to the library doors. _

_ I watched his retreating form, feeling hurt burn deeply into my heart. _

…

**And you begin to wonder why you came.**

…

_What had I done? _

_ I had picked my high school reputation over my best friend. _

_ I had _lost _my best friend._

…

** Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend,  
somewhere along in the bitterness.**

…

_The end of senior year was looming closer with every passing second. Before I could even blink, I was being handed my cap and gown. _

_ I slipped the dark blue material on, placing the cap on my head and fixing my hair. I stared at myself in the mirror. A sigh escaped my lips. This year hadn't turned out as I thought it would. _

_ It was almost 3AM, graduation was in just a few measly hours. _

_ I peered out my bedroom window, my eyebrows furrowing at what I saw._

_ Kyle's bedroom light was off. _

…

**And I would have stayed up,  
with you all night.**

…

_It was now or never. Changing into a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, I crept down the stairs and out the front door. Soon enough, I found myself outside of Kyle's bedroom window. It wasn't locked._

_ He never did lock it._

…

**Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend,  
somewhere along in the bitterness.  
And I would have stayed up,  
with you all night.**

…

_He was sprawled across his bed, sleeping silently. I smiled softly at the peaceful sight. I noticed a folded piece of crumpled notebook paper, clutched in his right hand. With ease, I managed to slip the paper out from between his fingers. I smoothed out the ridges and unfolded the page full of words. _

…

**Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend,  
somewhere along in the bitterness.  
And I would have stayed up,  
with you all night.**

…

_It was all my fault, it always was. I let him down. All that he wanted was his best friend back, and I was a complete jerk to him. _

_ I let the paper fall from my hands, but the words stuck in my mind._

_ A part of me died that night, a huge part. It was a part I could never get back. _

_ It was Kyle._

_ …_

** Had I known,  
how to save a life.**

…

_**Mom, Dad, Ike, I'm sorry. It was never my intention to go out this way, but I just can't take it anymore. **_

_** Mom, Dad, don't keep doing this, please. Every time you fight, Ike cries. You're tearing the family apart, in fact you already have. Some things have been destroyed, that can never be replaced. Something that can be replaced is Ike's piece of mind. You have to be there for him, because I can't. I can't be the perfect big brother he wants, especially not when you guys are always fighting. So, please, be his parents? Take him to his soccer games, help him with his homework, but for god's sake, **_**don't **_**throw things at each other and ignore him. You're hurting him, too. **_

_** Ike, I'm sorry I can't be the big brother you always wanted. I can't help you get that special girl, and I can't help you when you're hurt, but that's only because I'm not strong enough to do those things. I know that you're strong, and that you don't need me. Never let anyone hold you back, Ike, you're gonna go far. **_

__...

_I never did go to graduation. At 3AM, I was at the Broflovski's house, three crying Broflovski members and the wail of the ambulance growing closer._

…

_**Kenny, thanks for the effort. I'm sorry I pushed you away, but by the time you got to me, I was already too far gone.**_

_** Cartman, I hate your guts, but thanks for trying to cheer me up at school, and for actually showing you cared, even the tiniest bit.**_

…

_That same year, I moved out of South Park, vowing to never get close to anyone else, ever again._

…

_**Stan, I guess I'll never know what I did. Were you ashamed to be friends with me? Did you care so much about your popularity that you couldn't spare any time for your best friend? I know that you didn't hate me, that much I was sure of. But you also had to be sure that no one saw you with the gay, redheaded Jew, right? Yeah, actually, I am bisexual. I came out in the beginning of senior year. That was about when my parents started fighting, too. But you wouldn't know that, would you? Although I probably should, I don't hate you. Stan, you've always been my best friend, and you always will be. I just wasn't sure if it was the same in your eyes. **_

_** I love all of you guys, even you, Stan. **_

__…

**Where did I go wrong?  
I lost a friend,  
somewhere along in the bitterness.  
And I would have stayed up,  
with you all night.**

…

_**Signed, Kyle Broflovski**_

___..._

**Had I known,  
how to save a life.**


End file.
